Thursday, August 4, 2005

Funny Quotes, Europe 2005

Monaca and I made a point of writing down funny quotes we heard or said over the course of our trip. They may or may not be funny (or even comprehensible) to others, but perhaps you'll enjoy some of them.

Wendy: "rigamarole"

Wendy: "heebie-jeebies"

Monaca: "kosher"

Wendy: "It made me funny." ("It made me laugh.")

Monaca & Wendy: "I'm sitting on a cow couch." (sung to the tune of "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas")

"Look--a cow!" (Drunk American girl, echoed by Swiss guy)

"Maybe you should just stand by the cow." (Drunk American girl)

Monaca: "He's British."
Wendy: "How do you know?"
Monaca: "Look at his shorts. Only a Brit would wear shorts like that."
Wendy: "And with those shoes and socks."
Monaca: "Exactly. Take a picture."

Wendy: "Look at those rollerblades."
Monaca: "Take a picture."

Wendy: "Look at that girl's mohawk."
Monaca: "Take a picture."

Wendy: "Look at that guy's shirt."
Monaca: "Take a picture."

Monaca: "Can I take a picture?"

Wendy: "Look at that cow."
Monaca: "Take a picture."
Wendy: "Okay. Act like you're milking it."

Wendy: "I dare you to pick John Calvin's nose."

Monaca: "Why don't you move up a seat? Lots of people are getting on at this stop."

Monaca: "If I were going to commit suicide, I wouldn't do anything boring. I'd throw myself in [the jet d'eau] or something.

Monaca: "That looks like snow."
Wendy: "Mmm-hmm."
Monaca: "Take a picture. We can say we hiked through snow."

Wendy: "I don't really speak Italian."
Monaca: "Well, I don't speak at all."

Wendy: "Is this water drinkable?"
Monaca: "I'm drinking it."

Wendy: "Look--this is a bathroom. I just thought it was a random door."
Monaca: "Yeah, well, I tried to open that door."

Wendy: "I'm tired, I'm hot, and I'm irritable."

"There's always a good reason to fight in England." (Irish guy)

"You want to play now?" (Vatican guard, motioning to Monaca's football [soccer ball])

"Non toccare. Do not touch. Do not touch." (Vatican guard)

Monaca: "This reminds me of when I was younger, and my grandma used to make gnocchi and I would eat them raw."
Wendy (30 seconds later): "These taste kinda like dirt."
Monaca: "I don't know; I've never had dirt before."
Wendy: "Well, neither have I, but it probably tastes like this."
Monaca: "Well, I like them."

"That's different." (British man running through the wind & rain at the top of the Eiffel Tower)

Monaca: "It's pretty hard to annoy me."
Wendy: "I think I've succeeded."
Monaca: "When you've been trying?"

Wendy: "I feel like I just won at the world's biggest slot machine." (watching the Eiffel Tower start sparkling at night)

Monaca: "Probably only the rich people come here at night. You know--the people who drink martinis and . . . eat real meals."

Monaca: "I was trying to think of something that real people do." (she meant rich people)

"Do you want another Celebration, or do you just want a picture of them?" (12-year-old Irish boy)

"You've probably seen other members of my group. You know, suspicious-looking characters--probably terrorists." (kind old Irish man on a pilgrimage)

"That's very sensible of you." (kind old Irish man)

Irish man: "Did you stay long in Paris?"
Wendy: "No. Just a couple of days."
Irish man: "That's very sensible of you. It's a horrible place."

"It's a bank holiday in Ireland this weekend, so lots of places will be closed on Monday. But don't worry--the pubs'll be open." (different old Irish man)

Wendy: "Ca va si nos bagages sont dans l'autre bus?"
Bus-depot guy: (long silence; he's staring at me sternly)
Wendy: "J'espere?"
Bus-depot guy: "Il faut esperer--esperer que l'autre bus ne tombe pas en panne; qu'il ne se bascule pas; qu'il ne s'explose pas. Si non, c'est cool." (smiles)

Wendy: "Is it okay if our bags are on the other bus?"
Bus-depot guy: (long silence; he's staring at me sternly)
Wendy: "I hope?"
Bus-depot guy: "You'd better hope--hope that the other bus doesn't break down; that it doesn't tip over; that it doesn't explode. Otherwise, it's cool." (smiles)

"I wish they had a cat museum." (Eva, a little Irish girl, commenting on how Paris could be improved)

"I'm beginning to hate this country a bit." (Eva, commenting on being stuck in France after our flight to Ireland was canceled)

Monaca: "You're an ostrich; your brain is smaller than your head."

"I like the accent. Savage." (Irish guy, commenting on Monaca's American accent)

Monaca: "Those aren't statues? I thought they were statues." (commenting on street performers)

Monaca: "I have a nose for bacon."

Wendy: "That's the second time we've ignored a door that turns out to contain a shower."

Monaca: "That's okay; these pants are used to being wet."

Monaca: "I just dropped a pound." (referring to the UK's monetary unit)

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