Blonde Joke

I don't like stereotype jokes (and blonde jokes fit in this category), but this one is hilarious! I'm even blonde and I like it. To read it, click here.

What Wendy Needs

I steal most of my good blogging ideas from Julie and Mike. Here’s a great one: Google “[your name] needs” and copy down the best results. Here’s are my results. There were so many good ones that I made several categories.

I’ve also got some coarser ones — probably the funniest list of all; they’re on my R-rated blog. If you don’t have the address and want it, let me know.

* * * * *

Wendy needs your opinion on this.
There are some things that Wendy needs to know.

Funniest Clean Ones
1. Wendy needs a little time to dress her boy toy up and take him on parade.
2. Wendy needs to raise her voice to be heard. . . . Being hot and sexy is fun for a while, but it sure does get boring.
3. Wendy needs to crawl back into her hole and fade into history (that will never be remembered. Hurray!).
4. Wendy needs to die a slow, torturous TV death.
5. Wendy needs Steve to hold an intervention with Jimmy Mac.
6. Wendy needs me now . . . before it’s too late.
7. Wendy needs a whipping.
8. Wendy needs to get herself some Gavin.
9. Wendy needs something fruity!
10. Wendy needs her own show.

Wow! That’s Deep.
1. Wendy needs to revive her blog because we are all missing out by her being on blog hiatus.
2. Wendy needs to balance her supernatural abilities with quick thinking and resourcefulness.
3. Wendy needs to answer the question of equality.
4. Wendy needs a patient, loving home to help her realize that humans are not the enemy. After a harsh existence on the outside, it will take time to gain her trust. But there is nothing more rewarding than that moment when eyes once filled with fear gaze at you with love.
5. Wendy needs to witness both of these extremes at this important point in her life, so that she is able to find a middle path.
6. Wendy needs to see that Jesus Christ is the Messiah the Jews have been waiting for (I assume she’s Jewish, but I could be wrong).
7. Wendy needs now to be educated as a young woman, not a child.
8. Wendy needs rescuing, but only for a little while.
9. Wendy needs to find herself very quickly.
10. Wendy needs to come up with some new and diverse real facts.

Couldn’t Have Said It Better Myself
1. Wendy needs to get away for a while.
2. Wendy needs a place as remote and isolated as my ranch to stay for a while.
3. Wendy needs mental help.
4. Wendy needs your help.
5. Wendy needs donations.
6. Wendy needs to grow up.
7. Wendy needs to get a life.
8. Wendy needs to apologise some more.
9. Wendy needs to have the right things at the right time.
10. As if Wendy needs any help!

That’s News to Me!
1. Wendy needs to be nominated.
2. Wendy needs to pay a little better so that people with brains will want to work.
3. Wendy needs a new home and she will bring her own truck.
4. Wendy needs to KNIT.
5. Wendy needs help building a soccer field.
6. Wendy needs three people to get her out of a bad situation.
7. Wendy needs help, to the tune of more than Australian $50,000.
8. Wendy needs a zoologist.
9. Wendy needs a good plumber.
10. Wendy needs a new hiking partner.

Physical Needs
1. Wendy needs an overhaul.
2. Wendy needs sleep.
3. WENDY NEEDS TO GO!!
4. Wendy needs more HUGS!
5. Wendy needs to eat.
6. Wendy needs lungs and a heart.
7. Wendy needs to shut herself up.

Emotional Needs
1. Wendy needs a compliment.
2. Wendy needs to be assured by you.
3. Wendy needs someone to talk to.
4. Wendy needs a man—no, a gentleman.
5. Wendy needs a mommy.
6. Wendy needs a family who is fairly stable.
7. Wendy needs some practice with relating to people.
8. Wendy needs to get on with her own life and stop living in the past.
9. Wendy needs to be ashamed of herself.

Occupational Needs
1. Wendy needs a job.
2. Wendy needs proper training on how to handle stress in the work environment.
3. Wendy needs five personal assistants.
4. Wendy needs an editor.
5. Wendy needs to go back to selling fast food.

I'm a Weirdo

Ha! I'm weirder than both Julie and Mike! (Only people like us would see this as a good thing.)

You Are 50% Weird

Normal enough to know that you're weird... But too damn weird to do anything about it!

How Weird Are You?

Ah, Homecoming . . .

What a wonderful time of year for the student-council advisor . . . NOT. It's so busy at school right now, what with Homecoming court, the dance, spirit week. . . . My stuco kids have decided to spend $2500 on balloons for the dance. Two thousand five hundred dollars. On BALLOONS. It doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me, but it's what they want.

My department head is coming in to do an observation/evaluation during my fourth-block class tomorrow (Wednesday). I'd appreciate your thoughts and prayers.

Busybusybusy

That's all.

Which Saint Are You?

You are Joan of Arc! You don't really want to hurt
anyone, but if they attack your friends or your
country and no-one else will stand up to fight
them, you head into the battle. Beware though,
conviction tends to get you killed.

Mike, I'm a little confused; I didn't know saints could be cloned. Maybe I'm Joan of Arc, Jr. At any rate, there are lots of us--33% of people who took the quiz got the same result!



Which Saint Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Inspiration on fabric

T-shirt sentiments:

"PROCRASTINATE NOW"

"There's no sense in being pessimistic. It wouldn't work anyway."

Hi ho, hi ho . . .

It's my second day of work today. The students come in two days. Yesterday I only pressed snooze twice, I think. (That's a victory for me.) Today I must have accidentally turned off my alarm in my asleepawake state. I got up at 6:19 instead of 5:30. Oops. Luckily, I had given myself a big time cushion; I didn't have to be here until 8:00 today.

So I rolled out of bed, turned on my phone, and called Monaca. We've developed a plan to call each other at 5:30 every morning to make sure we're awake. Good plan, in theory, but difficult in practice if both of you oversleep. A very sleepy Monaca answered on the third ring. I hope she didn't go back to sleep after I hung up. . . .

I'd better get my act together before Thursday--at that point I'll need to be at work at 7:00, so accidentally turning off my alarm would be catastrophic.

Tired. Happy. Throat is sore.

I had an awesome time at Six Flags with Monaca, Julie, Mike, and Emma. There were practically no lines for any of the rides; I think the longest we waited was 10 minutes or so. We went on every roller coaster except Iron Wolf (I'm glad we skipped that one). We screamed a lot (especially Monaca, who made it sound like she was dying a slow and painful death), and some of us made fools of ourselves (you know who you are). Emma was cute, of course. It wasn't really that hot, and the sky was gray for most of the day, but we still went to Hurricane Harbor. I enjoyed it quite a bit--it's impressive! I especially liked the wave pool, because when I was treading water out in the deep part, I could almost imagine I was out beyond the shorebreak at Waimea Bay. Almost.

Wakey, wakey!

So, Monday is the only day this week that I've succeeded in getting up at 5:30. But rather than mope about my laziness, I'm reveling in my final days of sleepdom. AND I'm going to Six Flags Great America/Hurricane Harbor tomorrow. Now THAT'S an awesome way to end the summer.

I take that back. I'm a failure.

I lost the battle against my comfy bed this morning. Didn't get to work until 12:30. Sigh. I'm working on it.

I'm a lunatic.

Okay, I know this is crazy, but I'm at work this week--even though I don't have to be here until next Monday. I know what you're all thinking:

"Wendy, you're such an overachiever. I idolize you."

or maybe it's more like:

"You twisted perfectionist."

Actually, it's probably:

"Woman, get a life."

At any rate, here's my explanation: I have always had a hard time getting up on time. My bed is just so comfortable, especially when Steve and Jackson are there too. And sleep is so wonderful. I usually press snooze at least four times before getting up, which means I end up with about fifteen minutes to shower and get out the door. Well, this year, school starts at 7:30 (I know, it's inhumane), which means I have to be there at 7:00. I didn't want the transition to be quite as shocking, so I decided to start my school schedule this week--so I can get acclimated. So I'm up at 5:30, out the door at 6:30, and in my classroom by 7:00.

Hopefully I won't spend hours every day at school this week. However, it's difficult for me to stop working on something once I've started it. I've been here for five hours today. I've got to leave. My hours of freedom are rapidly dwindling.

Quote

Funny/disturbing Holiday Inn sign:

"Call us for your next affair to remember."

I don't think they thought that out very well.

Countries Monaca and I Visited This Summer

create your personalized map of europe

mardi, le 2 aout 2005

SOMEWHERE BETWEEN LONDON AND CHICAGO
16:00 (London time)

Didn't do much in London yesterday; didn't have time. Sat in Kensington Park for a while, watching kids playing soccer and commenting on the people going by. Monaca and I have started making up life stories for everyone we see. It's quite amusing--to us, at least. Probably wouldn't be to the people if they knew.

Went to a pub last night. Laughed at some people and were creeped out by others. Spoke French with the flirty, French, full-of-himself bartender. (Like the alliteration?)

Sad to be going home. Can't wait to see Steve, Jackson, and my friends, though.

It's been an extraordinary experience.

lundi, le 1 aout 2005

SOMEWHERE BETWEEN DUBLIN AND LONDON
14:22

On an airplane now, headed to London. This will be our last day and night before flying back to Chicago. Very bittersweet--I miss Steve and Jackson terribly, but there's so much left to absorb in Europe. Oh well; I guess I'll just have to come back soon!

dimanche, le 31 juillet 2005

DUBLIN, IRELAND
23:30

Got to Dublin at 13:30, leaving us with a measly 24 hours, when what we'd planned for was 72. Took a bus to the city, passing hordes of jersey-clad people on their way to a hurling match (a traditional Irish sport--also a boon for the country's doctors, as it's very rough). Then walked to our hotel, checked in with the genial proprietor, and headed off to explore the city.

We walked through the grounds of Trinity College. The grass is beautiful, primarily because there are numerous signs saying to stay off it. Unfortunate.

Walked down cobblestoned pedestrian Grafton Street--touristy and expensive, but picturesque.

Went to St. Stephen's Green and sat for a while, talking and people watching.

Walked through Temple Bar--anticlimactic but okay.

Walked down the River Liffey toward the ocean, but Monaca wanted to look for a gift for her grandma, so we turned back before we saw it. :(

Went to an awesome pub, complete with low, heavy-beamed ceiling; brick archways; dim lighting; trad (live traditional Irish music); and a thoroughly Irish crowd. Definitely one of the most memorable experiences of the trip for me. Impossible to put into words.

Looked for mead for Monaca to bring home, but apparently the traditional Irish "drink of kings" isn't very well-known in Ireland.

Pub-hopped over to Grafton Street again, searching unsuccessfully for pub grub. (Apparently the "authentic" Irish pubs in the U.S. aren't; food is not normally served at most pubs.) Finally, in desperation, went to an Italian restaurant on Dame Street. Walked back to our hotel in the rain.

Loved every minute of the day.

samedi, le 30 juillet 2005

BEAUVAIS, FRANCE
20:30

Still in Beauvais, waiting out the day and another night until we go back to the airport and see if we can make it on a flight.

It’s boring and ugly here. We went to Auchan (a nearby supermarket) to get food for the day. I got stung by a wasp while we were sitting outside in plastic lawn furniture, eating our breakfast. I took a long midday nap. We’ve spent most of the day sleeping, eating, writing, and reading. I’m just ready to be done with this. It’s so discouraging.

Went out for drinks and fromage blanc at a nearby restaurant this evening. I had kir for the first time in seven and a half years. Yum.

Then came back to the hotel; pet the resident dog, Vox (owned by the hotel owner); talked to Eva, a little Irish girl who’s stuck here with her family; and played football (soccer) with Monaca and Vox. Experiences like these make our situation bearable.

SOS

Here's an e-mail Steve sent out, at my request, to friends and family, informing them of our situation:

Wendy and Monaca need some prayer. They have encountered the first speed bump in a fantastic trip they have had so far. They are currently stuck in France, when they should be in Ireland! Their airline cancelled their flight to Ireland from Paris yesterday, which left them stuck there. To make matters worse, the airport is not actually in Paris, but instead in a yucky industrial area with bad hotels and nothing to do. Wendy called me from a bad hotel that smelled like smoke and paint. Needless to say they were most excited to see the British Isles and will only be there for a couple of days, rather than the 5 days originally planned. To make matters worse, the airline was not willing to pay for any inconvienience they caused their passengers. Apparently, this is normal for European "customer service," or lack thereof. Currently, they are on a waiting list for the next flight to Dublin (tomorrow morning) which will leave them with about 3 hours of light in Ireland rather than 3 days. That is not the only issue, as if they don't make this flight they would be in danger of missing their flight to London and, therefore, their flight back to Chicago. You might ask, "Why didn't they just fly to London?" Good question, however the airline was not willing to give them a credit for their flight from Dublin to London, so that didn't work out.The bottom line is that they need prayer that they will be patient and find the joy in the unfortunate situation they find themselves in, as well as get their way home safely. Thanks for your prayer and I will try to keep everyone posted as to how things are going.
Thanks,
Stephen

samedi, le 30 juillet 2005

BEAUVAIS, FRANCE
2:40 A.M.

So like I said, yesterday the day got worse as it progressed. After a long wait for the bus to bring us the hour to Beauvais airport, it became apparent that our flight to Dublin was delayed. Then they made an announcement that the flight was cancelled. Now get this: RyanAir said we'd probably not be able to get another flight for FIVE DAYS. We're supposed to be back in Chicago in less than five days, and before that, we have to take a RyanAir flight from Dublin to London in order to catch our flight back to the U.S. RyanAir does not rebook you on the next available flight on any possible airline, as carriers in the U.S. do. They do not even make an effort to rebook you on a RyanAir flight. They do not give you money for food or lodging. They do not pay for transportation between your hotel and the airport, which is in Bhufu. Our only options were:

1) reimbursement for the Paris-to-Dublin flight, or
2) wait-listing for a flight in two days.

The former option has definite drawbacks. RyanAir would, in that case, not provide us with a flight to London or refund our tickets from the RyanAir flight we'd miss from Dublin to London. (Don't ask me how this is legal.) We'd also have to rebook on another airline (astronomical prices at such late notice) or take the train to Calais and then a ferry to England. Don't know how much either of those would cost.

For now, we've taken option #2. Here are the downsides: We're stuck in Beauvais, because we couldn't afford another bus trip out here from Paris in two days (you've got it--RyanAir won't pay). We're staying at a factory-esque hotel that we have to pay for. We'll have to pay for a taxi back to the airport from wherever it is we are. We aren't even guaranteed a flight on Sunday; we're wait-listed. Oh, by the way, we couldn't stay in the airport, because they closed it at 1:00 A.M. Again, I have no idea how (or if) this is legal. It's outrageous. I never thought I'd say this, but here goes: This would never happen in the U.S. You'd better believe the airline would be paying for ASAP rebookings, hotel rooms, and food.

I'm so disappointed that we're going to miss most (or all) of our scheduled time in Ireland; that's the place both of us were looking forward to most. I'm praying we'll have no more travel snafus, or else we very well may miss our flight back to Chicago.

I never imagined, when booking our flights, that we were playing the lottery. I didn't think airplane travel was supposed to be a big gamble; I figured that paying the airline for a ticket meant that they would ensure you would reach your destination somehow. I mean, if you want repeat customers, you need to provide good service--and care in the case of unexpected circumstances. Even though RyanAir is very inexpensive, I will never fly with them again. Making sure I get somewhere is too important.

One good thing has come of this: We've gotten to spend a lot of time with Irish people, and I can now say they may be my favorite people on earth. All night, there has been such a feeling of community and caring. They still joke and try to stay upbeat. Even though their situations may be even worse than yours (like the husband and wife who were supposed to pick up their daughter at summer camp in rural Ireland tomorrow), they still have sympathy for you. It's inspiring.

At one point, Monaca broke out her football (soccer ball) and we kicked it around in a circle with a group of Irish children--such a great memory.