Steve: "My memory is awesome for things I happen to remember."

License-plate frame: "I work to support my horse's lifestyle."

Wendy (to Steve): "You really like to learn, but you don't like to do research like I do."

Steve: "Research is dumb. It's for people who don't know. I just know."

. . . in bed.

Steve, Liam, and I (and the baby, obviously) went to an Asian restaurant the other night. If you're familiar with the "in bed" fortune-cookie game, you'll appreciate these:

"Soon, you will receive pleasant news."

"The most direct approach isn't always the best. Use diplomacy."

And now, for the absolute best one I've ever seen:

"Travelling to the south will bring you unexpected happiness."

Right now, as I prepare breakfast, I have come to the realization that I am indeed barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen.

Lost?

I'm thinking of developing a new Web site, maps.steve.com. It will be an extremely accurate site for finding directions from wherever you are to anywhere else in the world, including Kathmandu.

Unlike the well known Google Maps, Stevegle Maps will not provide satellite imagery, because it will not be based on actual photos or mathematical surveying of areas.

Instead, Stevegle Maps will be based entirely on Steve's uncanny ability to find his way to specific locations (including picnic benches) in cities where he's never been before.

Looking for a Singaporean restaurant in suburban Knoxville, TN? No problem! Consult Stevegle Maps! Steve will just "have this feeling" that the restaurant is 5.43 miles northeast of your current location (which he will divine without you having to tell him). And he'll just "get the impression" that to get there, you should turn right at the next street, and two blocks down there "should" be a road running diagonally across said street. This road will lead you over train tracks (which he "just knows" are there). You could keep going on this road, but Steve is "pretty sure" that there will be construction and potholes and roadkill to avoid. So he'll direct you to park your car next to the train tracks and follow a wild-boar path through the woods. This path will lead right to the front door of your destination. Steve may even be able to tell you what specials the restaurant is offering that night. Wild boar, perhaps.

I sense that perhaps a Faustian deal was struck in order for him to receive this supernatural gift.

Dentists

I've always wondered why it seems like there are so few female dentists. I have speculated that perhaps it's one of those professions that is still dominated by men due to stereotypes (the whole men-are-dentists-and-women-are-hygienists thing). Of course, this possibility has always rather ticked me off.

But yesterday, as my [male] dentist was leaning way over my face to apply sealant to two of my back molars, I realized the true reason DDS is primarily a male title. And that reason is breasts. In the dental world, they're an occupational hazard. Seriously. If my dentist had been a woman, her breasts would've been resting against my face--even if they were moderate-sized breasts. Perhaps there's some sort of chest-size limitation placed on dental-school applicants, and most women are over the limit.

I know what you're thinking: But hygienists work on your teeth too, and they're almost always women. And some of the hygienists who've cleaned my teeth in the past could perhaps even be described as buxom.

Yes, this may be the case. But hygienists, even when cleaning your back teeth, do not have to contort their bodies in the same ways--or insert as many instruments into your mouth at once--as dentists do. And the task of cleaning someone's teeth, while requiring delicacy, precision, and thoroughness (and sometimes involving sharp implements), does not carry the same mandate of perfection--and the same potential for causing significant pain and blood loss--as the task of drilling into someone's root canal or injecting copious amounts of Novocain into someone's jaw does.

While many female hygienists have had to hunch over me in the past, their bodies within millimeters of my shoulder, not one of them has ever bumped me in the face with her chest. And that's exactly what my dentist (did I mention that he's male? and breastless?) did to me yesterday.

In talking to a few women the other night, it occurred to me that I don't think I've seen/heard a single thunderstorm since we moved to Olympia. We've been here almost a year, and I haven't seen a single flash of lightning. Apparently, thunderstorms just don't happen here. Strange.

Why I love living in Washington

Bitter cold to grip NW for several days
10:59 AM PST on Sunday, December 14, 2008
By KING5.com Staff and Associated Press

(excerpts)

SEATTLE - A blanket of snow and ice covering much of Western Washington is making getting around a challenge - and it could last for several days before the region warms up again.

The National Weather Service says it will likely be the most prolonged streak of sub-freezing weather since December of 1990.

"Expect that when you walk outside it's going to be freezing," KING 5 Meteorologist Chris Warren said "What might end up making this unusual is that we don’t pull out of it very quickly."

The cold air mass is expected to sit over the region for the rest of the week with most all of Western Washington remaining near or below freezing even during the daytime.
The cold stretch could exceed a six-day span of cold that occurred at SeaTac in December of 1990.

*Gasp*

Subfreezing temperatures for six whole days?! What will we do in the "bitter" cold?

If only I were back in the toasty Midwest.

Wait . . .

So, I've really gotten back into for-real cooking recently. Why? I guess realized that I have the time now that Liam is a bit older and napping more predictably, and I really do enjoy the process--and the product, of course. Still, it is nice not to have to be putting dinner together just when Liam is waking up from his nap. So I was stoked to come across this awesome blog:

A Year of CrockPotting
http://crockpot365.blogspot.com/

The woman who created the blog made a New Year's resolution at the start of 2008 to use her Crock-Pot every day of this year. And she has posted all of her recipes on the blog, along with her notes and witty side comments. I especially like that her recipes aren't all of the beef-stew variety. Sure, I love beef stew, but it's nice to see that you can get a lot of variety out of a slow cooker!

Well, I'm a convert: I now love Fall. I hated it in Illinois (please don't send death threats), but it's beautiful here in the Northwest! What got to me in Illinois was the knowledge that despite the beautiful colors, Fall meant all the trees would be bare for the next seven months. (Remember, I didn't grow up with deciduous trees, so this was a terrible shock to me.) But here in Washington, the October hillsides are an amazing tapestry of yellows, oranges, reds, and--get this--deep greens. The hearty helping of evergreens will help get me through the colder (and, in the case of Olympia, rainier) months to come. Huh. I just thought about how fitting the name Mount Rainier is for a place like this (if you discount the gorgeous summer months). Coincidental, though--the volcano was actually named for Admiral Something-or-Other Rainier.

This autumn I have discovered another interesting fact about Washington: apple trees are everywhere. I don't mean that this is the U.S. capital of apple production (which it is); I mean apple trees are common yard decoration. It seems like every third house has at the very least one tree heavily laden with fruit.

Speaking of fruit, we have a cherry tree in the backyard, but we didn't get to sample any cherries this summer--the raccoons got to them first. (They did the same with the grapevines on the deck.)

Summer also brought me a revelation about blackberry bushes: they're actually a nuisance plant here. They billow over everything, drowning all plants in their path. I think blackberry thorns were responsible for flattening one of the tires on Liam's stroller. But the berries were sure tasty! Our long walks may have yielded a flat tire, but they also yielded some yummy on-the-move snacks.

It seems like apple trees and blackberry bushes grow in Washington yards the way mango trees grow in Hawaii yards, or the way . . . uh . . . the way . . . um . . . never mind. I can't think of anything in Illinois that is a good comparison. Suburbs, maybe? I guess that's fairly accurate; suburbs grow in everyone's backyard there--in Chicagoland, at least.

Okay, either Spanish speakers are, in general, smarter and way more intuitive than English speakers, or Kidde has a callous--and racist--disregard for their well-being.

So, a long time ago we bought a one-hand squeezy pepper mill:

The great thing about it is that you can use it with one hand. But the terrible thing about it is that you can use it with one hand:

So, we drove out to the ocean last weekend. Being the anal people we are (each in our own way, of course), we looked at maps online the night before. And we noticed something interesting:


No, I'm not referring to New London, nor am I referring to what must be the 300th Ocean City in the nation. I'm not even referring to the town of Aloha. Let's take a closer look:

Yes, folks, it's Humptulips. In the words of Steve, "Humptulips--it's where tulips come to mate."

Out with the old . . .




. . . in with the new

So, I've discovered something I really hate about Washington state. It's not a deal-breaker, but it's pretty bad--the flag. It's so boring. Have a look:

I mean, honestly. George Washington never even came here. The very least they could do is add some evergreens along the sides. The Illinois flag is looking pretty good to me now:

Apart from that, I'm not really experiencing much of the negative culture shock that's typical when you move somewhere new. The only other bad thing I can think of is the coffee shops and huts in which all of the baristas wear bikinis. But that's really more ridiculous than annoying, and there aren't many of them.

We saw this in a parade in Winlock, WA. Have they not seen Wayne's World?!

almost home

These are the last few photos from our Illinois-to-Washington trip. Sorry it's taken me so long to post them.


Ellensburg:


Our bed and breakfast in the Olympia area. The moving truck wasn't going to arrive for another day, so we needed a bed to sleep in. Bummer that it was such a bad location. :)

Jackson is so patient with Liam (though you can tell he's not thrilled that Liam is sitting on him).

Welcome to Washington

I was waiting for this sign, but it almost slipped by before I could snap a photo.

Our hotel "room" (more like townhouse) in Spokane was amazing, and it was incredibly cheap.

I think the absolute hole we stayed in the previous night might have been more expensive than this place. What a nice pick-me-up after that disastrous night in Butte. Then again, we didn't know the disaster that awaited us later in the evening. . . .

We went out for a delicious dinner with my childhood friend (and bridesmaid) Kathleen. I think we hadn't seen her since 2000 or 2001! It was wonderful to spend time with her. I'm bummed that we didn't get any photos, but hopefully we'll see her more often now that we live a lot closer.

We left Jackson in the hotel room while we went out, because he hates being left in the car, and we'd had to do that every time we ate at a restaurant for the whole trip. (Most hotels don't allow you to leave your dog in the room unattended, but this one did. Little did they--and we--know . . .)

Apparently, Jackson was frantic when we left. He hates it when we leave him anywhere (except home--and he doesn't even really like it when we do that). He goes nuts and does whatever he can to follow us. I suppose we should've known this would happen. If only we had put up the blinds! I can't imagine all the howling that the other hotel guests had to deal with. Bottom line: $400 worth of damage. No, I'm not kidding. I wish I were. (Yes, I know it's ridiculous--two sets of blinds for $400?!)

a few more Yellowstone videos

Fountain Paint Pot

This is a bison calf on the walkway at Fountain Paint Pot. I did not zoom in; (s)he really was that close to us. Before you write a comment chastising us for putting Liam (and the bison) in danger, let me say that we had absolutely no choice. The bison were surrounding us, and they kept getting closer. There was nowhere to go. (That didn't stop a woman who saw this happen from giving us a good talking-to. I guess she thought we should've used our jet packs to blast up and away.)

This is Old Faithful right at the end of an eruption:

I couldn't help taking this video of the Firehole River. The scenery and the sounds were too beautiful.